Where No Miranda Has Gone Before
by Rupert Brown
Summary: Miranda is embarrassed by Tudgeman's idea of a 'date'. Matt and Lanny snow their new babysitter. Written in Screenplay format. Fictional 'Third Season'.
1. Chapter 1

COLD OPENING

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL—HALLWAY—DAY

We see LIZZIE at her locker when along comes MIRANDA, obviously distressed about something.

MIRANDA  
I am so glad to see you! You've got to help me!

LIZZIE  
(concerned)  
What's wrong? What is it?

MIRANDA  
It's Tudgeman!

LIZZIE  
(confused)  
What about him?

MIRANDA  
He's taking me out on a date tonight!

LIZZIE  
But I thought you liked Larry.

MIRANDA  
I do.

LIZZIE  
Then what's the problem?

MIRANDA  
It's where he's taking me Lizzie!

LIZZIE  
Which is…?

MIRANDA  
I—I can't even say it!

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Well, I can't say it for you. Spill!

LIZZIE  
Can't say what Miranda?

MIRANDA  
We're going to—to…

LIZZIE  
Yeah?

MIRANDA  
(in a rush)  
The sci-fi convention that's in town!

Miranda hides her head in shame.

LIZZIE  
Is that all?

MIRANDA  
(unbelieving)  
Is that all? Isn't that enough!

LIZZIE  
(laughing)  
Come on Miranda. It isn't so bad.

MIRANDA  
Isn't so bad? Isn't so bad? Lizzie, only the dorkiest of dorks go to these things!

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
I guess that's the price you pay when you date a nerd.

A little green space alien next to Animated Lizzie nods in agreement.

LIZZIE  
Well, if you feel that strongly about it, why don't you tell Larry?

MIRANDA  
Because if I don't go Veruca will snap at the chance.

LIZZIE.  
Ah…

MIRANDA  
(wheedling)  
Lizzie, we're best friends, right?

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Uh oh! Red alert! Red alert!

Animated Lizzie is dressed in a red ensign shirt from "Star Trek" while an alarm sounds and red lights flash.

LIZZIE  
Uh—uh, huh…

MIRANDA  
And you know I'd do anything for you, right?

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
(frantic)  
Evasive maneuvers! Full reverse!

LIZZIE  
Yeah…

MIRANDA  
Then you'll do me a favor, right?

LIZZIE  
Miranda, I—

MIRANDA  
(interrupting)  
Please don't leave me alone Lizzie! Please!

MIRANDA (CONT'D.)  
If you and Gordo come along we could make it a double-date. That way I won't be alone and Larry wouldn't be the wiser!

LIZZIE  
But, I don't—

Miranda takes a hold of Lizzie's shoulders and begs.

MIRANDA  
(pleading)  
Please Lizzie! Please!

Lizzie sees the most pathetic look on Miranda's face.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Not the 'sad eyes'! How can I resist the 'sad eyes'!

LIZZIE  
(caving)  
Fine. I'll tell Gordo.

Miranda instantly perks up.

MIRANDA  
Yes! Thanks Lizzie. You're the best!

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
And you'd better remember it come my birthday!

FADE OUT:

END OF COLD OPENING


	2. Act I

ACT I

FADE IN:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—KITCHEN—AFTERNOON

We find JO finishing putting up some dishes when who should come home from work but SAM. They give each other a 'hello kiss'.

SAM  
Guess who scored two tickets to the theater tonight?

JO  
What? How?

SAM  
A client had a couple of spare ones and asked me if I could use them.

JO  
That's great!  
(beat)  
Oh, but wait. You said tonight?

SAM  
Yeah.

JO  
But Lanny's supposed to sleep over tonight.

SAM  
Lizzie can watch him and Matt.

JO  
No, she can't. She has a date with Gordo.

SAM  
That just means we'll have to find someone else to baby-sit.  
(beat)  
How hard can it be?

CUT TO:

A SHORT MONTAGE TO "YAKETY YAK" BY THE COASTERS:

INT. KITCHEN—AFTERNOON

Jo is on the phone and gets a negative response.

INT. LIVING ROOM—AFTERNOON

Sam is on the phone and gets a negative response.

EXT. SIDEWALK—AFTERNOON

Jo is trying to reel in a neighbor. No dice.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD HOUSE—FRONT PORCH—AFTERNOON

Sam is trying to solicit a sitter. The door closes in his face.

End of Montage

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—LIVING ROOM—AFTERNOON 

Sam and Jo are lying on the couch, exhausted from trying to find a babysitter—all to no avail.

SAM  
I can't believe there isn't a single person available to baby-sit…

JO  
(disgruntled)  
Tell me about it. Even Mrs. Carribino said she couldn't do it. And I know she doesn't have plans…

Enter Lizzie.

LIZZIE  
Mom? Dad? You okay?

JO  
(exhausted)  
Oh, we're fine honey. We've just been trying to find someone to baby-sit for Matt and Lanny tonight. Your father got tickets for the theater for the two of us.

LIZZIE  
You should try Kate. She baby-sits.

SAM  
Hey, that's right!

LIZZIE  
I'll see you later. I have a date of my own to get ready for.

Lizzie exits.

SAM/JO  
Kate…

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—LIVING ROOM—A SHORT TIME LATER 

The doorbell rings, the front door opens, and there stands KATE.

CUT TO:

INT. SANCHEZ HOME—MIRANDA'S ROOM—AFTERNOON 

We find Miranda sitting on her bed, deep in conversation with Lizzie and GORDO.

GORDO  
(to Miranda)  
I don't know what you're worried about. You'll go to a taping for a children's show—

**DIGITAL STILL:**

**Miranda, obviously enjoying herself, surrounded by a studio audience full of little kids at a taping of the "Clover and Daisy" show.**

**BACK TO SCENE**

GORDO  
--But you're afraid to show your face at a science fiction convention?

MIRANDA  
That's not the same thing at all!

GORDO  
(deadpan)  
Really.

MIRANDA  
Okay… So maybe it is. But that's not the point!

GORDO  
And the point would be…?

MIRANDA  
It's just that it's a—a sci-fi convention! It's so—so geeky!

GORDO  
And Tudgeman isn't? Miranda, you're already dating the King of the Nerds. I really don't think going to a convention at this point will 'lower' your social status any…

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Like it or not, when Gordo's right he's right.

MIRANDA  
Fine.  
(beat)  
But you two are still coming with!

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Say what?

GORDO  
Fine with me.

LIZZIE  
Gordo!

GORDO  
(defensive)  
Hey, I happen to like science fiction. Besides, Adam West is supposed to be there, and I wanted to get his autograph.

LIZZIE  
You mean you were going to go to this thing anyway? Without me?

GORDO  
You're not into this sort of thing. I didn't think you'd want to go.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
I don't. But that's not the point!

The trio sits there—the dye having been cast—they're going to go.

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—LIVING ROOM—LATER 

We see Kate sitting on the couch watching television while also filing her nails. Enter MATT and LANNY.

MATT  
Hey Kate, would you mind helping us with a, uh, project?

The boys share a malicious chuckle before wiping it off their face when Kate turns towards them.

KATE  
Sure. What kind of project?

MATT  
You see, we're trying to get our merit badge in knot tying, but we just can't seem to get the hang of it. Can you help us?

KATE  
What kind of knots are you trying to tie?

Lanny instantly whips out their scout book and points to a diagram.

KATE  
Let's take a look…

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—LIVING ROOM—A SHORT TIME LATER

Kate is thoroughly tied up from head to foot in ropes with complex knots.

MATT  
You're right Lanny. We are starting to get the hang of this!

KATE  
Um, that's great. I guess.  
(beat)  
Mind untying me now?

MATT  
Uh, 'untying'?

KATE  
Yeah. I want out of this.

MATT  
We were just told to tie 'em. We don't learn how to untie them until next week.  
(beat)  
Oh well.

The boys skip off blissfully; leaving Kate still tied up.

KATE  
Hey. Hey! Come back here! Matt! Lanny!

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER

Lizzie, Gordo, and Miranda are surrounded by people and booths. All manner of science fiction and fantasy franchises are represented. All manner of costumed and un-costumed individuals mingle around.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Who'd have ever thought a person could feel underdressed at a sci-fi convention!

GORDO  
I knew I should've worn my Vulcan ears…

LIZZIE  
Gordo!

GORDO  
Sorry.  
(beat)  
So, where's Tudgeman?

MIRANDA  
I don't know, but if he's stood me up—

Enter LARRY TUDGEMAN dressed in full "Lord of the Rings" regalia.

LARRY  
(dramatic)  
Hail far maidens. And Gordo.

GORDO  
Hey Larry. Cool costume.

LARRY  
Thanks. Took me two months to make it.

He turns towards Miranda and offers her his arm.

LARRY  
(dramatic)  
If m'lady will be so kind as to escort me, we shall tour the festivities.

Miranda plasters a sickly smile on her face, then, when Tudgeman isn't looking, she looks back at Lizzie with a look that says, 'get me out of here!'

GORDO  
Come on Lizzie.

Gordo pulls her along.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Talk about boldly going where no girl has gone before!

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—MATT'S ROOM—DUSK

Kate enters looking for Matt and Lanny. She's still trailing bits of rope from having untied herself.

KATE  
Alright you little monsters! Oooh, what I'm gonna do to you!

But she finds the boys aren't there. But there is a note from them.

MATT (O.S.)  
Lanny and I went to the convention center. Will be back later.

Kate yells in frustration.

END OF ACT I


	3. Act II

ACT II

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER—MAIN FLOOR

Tudgeman is explaining the finer points of "Star Wars" to Miranda, whose eyes are glazing over.

LARRY  
--So it's a person's midichlorian count that determines how strong they are in the Force.

MIRANDA  
(dully)  
Fascinating.

Lizzie can't help but feel sorry for her friend.

LIZZIE  
(to Gordo)  
Look at her Gordo. I can't help but feel sorry.

GORDO  
She's not helping herself any. These conventions can be pretty cool. She should at least try to get into it. Like you.

LIZZIE  
(surprised)  
Like me? What're you talking about?

Gordo merely points to a 'Frodo Lives' pin that 'somehow' has found its way into Lizzie's hand. Hastily, she shoves it into a pocket.

LIZZIE  
I, uh, was just supporting British Literature, that's all.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Yeah, that's the ticket!

GORDO  
Uh huh.

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
Besides, can I help it that Elijah Wood is a total hottie?

LARRY  
(to Miranda)  
Oooh, they're about to give a lightsaber demonstration! Come on!

Tudgeman pulls her along.

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER—ENTRANCE

Kate has made her way to the convention. She stands at the doors, looking around for Matt and Lanny. She spots two Ewoks walking by.

KATE  
Ah ha!

She lunges and grabs the heads off the two costumes—to reveal two very annoyed midgets.

KATE  
(mortified)  
Uh, s—sorry. I was looking for—sorry.

She takes off looking for her two wards.

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER—MAIN FLOOR

In her search for Matt and Lanny, Kate bumps into Lizzie and Gordo.

LIZZIE  
(surprised)  
Kate. What're you doing here?

KATE  
Um, looking for someone…?

GORDO  
Aren't you supposed to be watching Matt and Lanny?

KATE  
(embarrassed)  
That's who I'm looking for…

LIZZIE  
What!

KATE  
You see, I was helping them with their merit badge thingee…  
(off look)  
The bottom line is that they're here somewhere. And if I don't find them your parents will totally flip; and a thing like this could totally kill my reputation as a babysitter.

GORDO  
Didn't you catch a house on fire once?

**DIGITAL STILL:**

**Kate's fiery babysitting job as was it was shown in the episode entitled "Misadventures in Babysitting".**

**BACK TO SCENE**

KATE  
It was only the kitchen.  
(beat)  
Besides, that's not the point. Will you guys please help me? I know you're supposed to be on a date and all, but please…?

ANIMATED LIZZIE  
You know, there was a time when I'd have enjoyed seeing Kate squirm. But now…

LIZZIE  
(gesturing)  
Sure Kate. Gordo, you take that direction. Kate, that one. I'll go this way.

They split off to search.

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER

Larry and Miranda are still 'taking in the sights'. Suddenly Tudgeman feels the 'call of nature'.

LARRY  
Oh! I'll be right back my precious; have to use the 'little elves room'.

Tudgeman scoots off to the loo, leaving Miranda alone in a 'sea of geekdom'.

Enter Matt and Lanny enjoying the festivities. Miranda spots them.

MIRANDA  
Hey, aren't you supposed be at home?

MATT  
(quickly)  
Ah, we're just here for a school project. Uh, research…

MIRANDA  
(not caring)  
Whatever.

Miranda's glum.

MATT  
(looking over the wares)  
They've got some pretty cool stuff here.

MIRANDA  
If by 'cool' you mean lame. Then yeah, they've got loads of cool stuff…

MATT  
I don't know. Everybody seems to be having fun. That's cool.

MIRANDA  
I guess.

MATT  
And believe me, it's not like this stuff is easy to get a hang of.

MIRANDA  
(muttering)  
Why would anyone want to…

MATT  
(not hearing)  
Then there's just so much of it. Comics, books, movies, t.v. shows. They're all different, but they get the same kind of fans.

Lanny nods his agreement.

MATT (CON'T.)  
I mean, sure all this stuff is cool and all, but the neat thing is that it gives you something to talk to other people about. Comradely!

He and Lanny share a manly embrace to emphasize the point. During all of this Miranda's been listening increasingly hard. She's starting to get the concept that the experience of fandom is bigger than any particular franchise or intellectual property. In short, fandom is about the fans more than the things that they are fans of.

Miranda starts to look around with new eyes. People are having fun, enjoying one another's company. And there's nothing 'dweebish' about that.

At this point enter Lizzie, Gordo, and Kate—they've found the two wayward wards.

LIZZIE  
(to Matt and Lanny)  
There you are you little creeps! What're you doing here?

MIRANDA  
(reflective)  
They were just helping me realize something that I'd forgotten.  
(beat)  
That having fun is always cool. No matter where you're having it at. Or for that matter, what you're doing.

Miranda laughs as a group of costumed fans pass by while engaged in a mock duel.

KATE  
That's great. But I've got to get these two back home A.S.A.P.

Kate grabs Matt and Lanny each by one ear and marches them out—much to the rest of the group's amusement.

Reenter Tudgeman. Miranda cozies up to him.

MIRANDA  
So, Larry, tell me all about this Dark Sid guy…

LARRY  
It's Darth Sidious…  
(playfully)  
You are such a dweeb…

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—EVENING—MUCH LATER

Sam and Jo have just gotten home from a night on the town.

JO  
Thanks again Kate for agreeing to watch Matt and Lanny. They can be quite a handful…

KATE  
No problem Mrs. McGuire. They were great.

SAM  
Speaking of which, where are they?

KATE  
Oh, they're tied up right now…

CUT TO:

INT. MCGUIRE HOME—MATT'S ROOM

We see that Matt and Lanny are both bound hand and foot in the very ropes that they had used on Kate earlier.

FADE OUT:

END OF EPISODE


End file.
